HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM	HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
Captain: “Why are your boots so dirty?” Sepoy: “Sir, they’ve seen more action than I have!”	Subedar: “March left!” New recruit: “Sir, I left my left at home!”
Signalman: “Sir, radio not working!” Officer: “Try whispering, it works better!”	Lt: “Why are you sleeping during parade?” Sepoy: “Sir, eyes closed for better concentration!”
Drill Instructor: “Left, right, left!” Newbie: “Sir, which left is right?”	In Siachen: Jawan: “Sir, my tea is frozen!” Captain: “Sip it with a fork!”
Major: “How do you salute?” Recruit: “With confidence, Sir, not accuracy!”	Jawan: “Sir, my rifle is missing.” Officer: “Don’t worry, it knows the way back.”
Lieutenant: “Why are you late?” Jawan: “Enemy didn’t attack on time, Sir!”	Colonel: “What’s your plan in war?” Sepoy: “Pray first, shoot second, sir!”
Recruit during exam: “What is camouflage?” Answer: “Hiding in plain saree!”	CO: “Why are your buttons open?” Jawan: “Emergency ventilation, Sir!”
Mess menu: ‘Continental’ Reality: Boiled potato in new uniform.	At the canteen: Captain: “No Maggi today?” Cook: “Sir, Maggi went on leave!”
Brigadier: “What motivates you to fight?” Sepoy: “My wife’s nagging, Sir!”	Radio Signal: “Enemy approaching!” Reply: “Tell them to bring snacks!”
Roll call: “Lance Naik Happy Singh” Reply: “Still happy, Sir!”	Captain: “You don’t salute!” Jawan: “Sir, I blink respectfully.”
Firing practice: Jawan: “Sir, I saved bullets for Diwali.”	CO’s order: “Run 5km!” Jawan: “Sir, can I take Uber?”
Officer: “Why are you limping?” Soldier: “Boots are on strike, Sir!”	Tent storm: Signalman: “Sir, nature’s attacking too!”
Captain: “This bunk is messy!” Sepoy: “Sir, it’s creative chaos.”	Mess boy: “Halwa today.” Captain: “Looks like camouflage mud!”
Instructor: “Describe night vision.” Cadet: “Like mother’s sixth sense!”	Captain: “Why whisper?” Soldier: “Enemy might hear from Pakistan!”
Officer: “Any special skill?” Jawan: “Sir, mimicry of officers!”	PT Class: Subedar: “Run like you’re chasing samosa!”

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM	HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
Why did the military plant trees every year? → To grow the infant-tree.	What form is required for all members of the military? → A uniform.
What do you call a soldier who loves hanging out? → A company commander.	Why did the optometrist set his watch to military time? → To see 20:20.
What happened to the stand-up soldier? → He bombed.	Why didn’t the officer respond? → It was private.
Why are there no knock-knock jokes in the military? → Because freedom rings!	What’s a soldier’s least favorite date? → March 4th.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an officer? → An A-flat Major.	Why was the sergeant mad at his son? → He was dividing instead of conquering.
Why did the tank crush a popcorn box? → It killed two kernels.	What do soldiers want to know before marriage? → The rules of engagement.
What does the Navy call a dog? → A subwoofer.	What grades do you need for the Navy? → Seven Cs.
Why can’t sailors play cards? → The captain’s sitting on the deck.	Why do naval ships have barcodes? → So they can Scandinavian.
Why was the Navy air crewman confused? → He thought he was a seal.	Why do pilots love solo music? → They’re wings-men.
How do you play Air Force bingo? → “A-10! B-52! F-16!”	Why do Twitter users fail basic training? → Too quick to retweet.
What’s a Marine’s favorite pizza line? → “From the halls of mozzarella to the shores of triple-cheese.”	What do you call a drunk Marine? → A barhead.
How did the Marine greet the cow? → “Moo-rah!”	Why are Marines so outstanding? → They’re never sitting down.
Why do the Army and Navy avoid dating during football games? → Because Marines keep their girlfriends company.	What happens when you eat too many Navy beans? → Dishonorable discharge.
How do you know someone is an Air Force pilot? → Don’t worry—they’ll tell you.	Where do rabbits train to fly? → The Hare Force.
What do you call a soldier who paints? → An art-illery master.	What’s the most patriotic branch? → The Air Force—they’re US AF.
What’s a soldier’s favorite type of music? → Marching band.	Why are boots always clean? → Because they’re on duty 24/7.
What’s the Army acronym? → A Recruiter Misled You.	Why did the Army veteran become a dentist? → He was a drill sergeant.
What do you call a small military dinosaur unit? → Small arms.	What’s the safest job in a war zone? → Being the enemy’s map reader.
Why do soldiers hate rainy days? → Because even their uniforms cry.	What did the CO say when he saw a glittery rifle? → “Who’s been to craft class?”
How are mathematicians like pilots? → They both use pi-lots.	What’s the difference between a jet and its pilot? → The jet stops whining when it’s turned off.
Why don’t Jedi join the Navy? → They avoid the dock side.	What’s a sailor’s favorite movie? → A sea-quel.
Why are paratroopers always careful? → Because gravity never forgets.	What happens to a Marine who gives up? → He’s deceased.
What do you call a pilot’s favorite burger chain? → Big Mac Attack.	Why did the submarine join Facebook? → To surface online.
Why did the sentry fail? → He was always looking out for himself.	Why do COs love paperwork? → It gives them rank and file.
Why did the rookie salute a tree? → It had more decorations than he did.	Why did the barracks smell like pizza? → Someone used cheese as camouflage.
Why do the Army and Dhobis never get along? → Because they both fight dirty wars.	Why is Army chai stronger than espresso? → Because it’s brewed with bullets.
Why did the sepoy carry a spoon to war? → For instant halwa emergencies.	What’s a jawan’s definition of luxury? → A clean bed and no inspection.
Why do soldiers fear the cook more than war? → Because langar attacks every day.	What’s camouflage in civilian terms? → Dressing like your sofa cover.
What do you call a jawan who forgets left from right? → A marching hazard.	Why do soldiers shine boots more than medals? → Because boots bite back.
What does an overconfident recruit become? → Target practice.	Why did the Air Force pilot carry a mirror? → For pre-flight selfies.
What’s a Navy officer’s favorite romantic line? → “You anchor my heart.”	What’s the mess hall’s favorite joke? → “Today’s menu: Yes or No.”